Brandtson - Fallen Star Collection
Deep Elm



I've been playing this game called Rockstar a lot recently.

It's an old computer game, text based, that I used to play when I was like 13 or 14. I found it again recently, and have been playing it nonstop.
I've also been listening to Brandtson's "Fallen Star Collective" a lot recently -- not because I want to, but because I eventually need to write a review of it.
The first time I put it on, a friend of mine asked me if it was Radiohead. Unfortunately, it wasn't.
Brandtson play bland "emo" and sing about God and Jesus. I think I'm confused. The kids like this, I don't.
Brandtson don't really do anything new or interesting at all, in fact, if they changed their name to Blandtson, it would probably be more appropriate.
To tie this all together, I played a game of Rockstar as Brandtson. I avoided all drugs and alcohol, toured constantly, and released records.
Here's how I did.
The game told me that Brandtson was a "very annoying stage name," first thing. I quickly recorded the album "Fallen Star Collective," and my manager told me it was a "crass name".
During all this time, I toured constantly, but we'll talk more about the tours later.
I released two singles from the album -- "As You Wish" (ridiculous name) and "Breaking Ground" (funny name).
After two years and 39 weeks of being almost constantly on the road, writing songs, doing promtional tours, I became so depressed that I slit my wrists and died.
I didn't do so badly, though. "Breaking Ground" broke the top 50 in the local area, Europe and the UK and "Fallen Star Collective" broke the top 100 in those places, too.
I had five tours in my nearly three years as a rock musician. I started out small, touring small clubs in the local area and was met with a lively reception. I expanded my touring base to the UK and played the same venues to a mixed reaction. I then decided it was time to hit Europe -- same venues -- and I was met with adulation. Finally, I decided it was time to take a 9 week tour of the clubs in America. Although it was a bit of a let down coming from the adulation of the Europeans, it was still a positive reaction. My final tour was of large halls in the local area where my fans went wild.
Not long after that tour, I killed myself.
The Europop poll showed me at number 30, and NTV's American poll showed me at number 90. I was just on the verge of breaking big.
My accountant told me I had "several hundred thousand" in the bank when I died.
I guess it just goes to show you that there are morons out there that will listen to anything.
...john heisel...

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